Have you ever met a truly assertive person? Have you come across someone who:
- Feels totally confident about themselves, especially in how they communicate
- Feels entitled to be who they want to be
- Always expresses themselves clearly and calmly
- Believes they are valuable, in their role and with other people
Then we’d like to congratulate you! You’ve likely been around someone who is assertive and knows how to carry the “assertiveness” badge. So, moving on from this, how assertive are you? And do you know what a lack of assertiveness can do to a person?
Assertive people aren’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in or defend their point of view. They love encouraging others to see things from their perspective and assertiveness in general is often associated with a higher sense of self-confidence and self-esteem than your ‘average fella’.
It’s both a quality and a talent that must be learned and honed over time to get what you want in life! However, assertiveness is not something that only someone with a generally low level of confidence should pursue – it is just as useful for someone who is aggressive by nature but needs to rein in their self-importance somewhat in order to get their points across to other people effectively.
Now, before moving forward, another questions is worth asking: “How do we know where our current level of assertiveness is?”
Here’s the perfect assertiveness test, a fun 3-minute assessment to determine where your current level of assertiveness is along with an action plan.
5 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Assertiveness
Developing assertiveness comes naturally to some people while others have to work hard at it.
In this article we show you five things you can do now to develop better assertiveness:
1. Conflict Can Actually Be A Good Thing
Most people view conflict in a negative light and see it as something to be avoided, regardless of the cost.
But not all conflicts should be avoided. Because it can be a chance to learn more about yourself and the other person, while also improving your assertiveness skills.
Some people believe that standing up for themselves in a ‘difficult’ situation might escalate into a fully fledged conflict – or even a fight – with horrible consequences. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves!
Of course, this can happen, but fear is no way to regulate your behavior. In fact, most of the time aggressive people will respect someone who doen’t get intimidated, keeps calm and stays in the conversation (…or argument). In this case, they’ll stop being aggressive and actually listen. They’ve met someone who is assertive.
2. A Show Of Confidence (Even If You’re Not Confident!)
We get it – you don’t want to be in that heated argument or don’t have the time to deal with ‘that’ person. But sometimes in life, we have to rise to the occasion and face someone, or a situation, even if we don’t like it.
Here’s the thing: even if you’re feeling insecure, anxious, and not so confident – don’t let other people see it. Standing up straight, maintaining eye contact and speaking in a calm, controlled manner all project confidence. Even if you’re not a confident person by nature – by clearly asserting and expressing your own opinions and feelings, you’ll witness the change yourself – people will listen even if they originally intended not to.
3. Learn How To Detect And Stop Abusive And/Or Unjust Behavior
Now, this is a tough one, we must admit, and more so for people who have not practiced being assertive.
Even though most of us can communicate well to others if we are being treated unfairly or unjustly, some of us have a habit of retreating back into our shells, much like a turtle would at the first sight of danger.
Being able to stop someone from abusive or unjust behavior means you need to learn how to establish personal boundaries.
Personal boundaries are like guidelines that determine what’s considered acceptable behavior and what isn’t. So if someone is clearly taking advantage of you, maybe asking for favors or wanting you to do things for them, you have the opportunity to politely say ‘no’. This is a good example of setting personal boundaries.
4. Understand That Being Assertive Does Not Make You A Villain Or Difficult Person
Assertive people can be cast as the villain, where people accuse them of being too pushy, aggressive, or over-confident.
Well, being assertive sometimes means that you may do things that other people may not approve of. But this is OK, especially in situations where you’re being treated unjustly or taken advantage of.
So don’t worry about being seen as the villain or the ‘bad guy’, because some people will almost always judge you, and interpret your behaviour as ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’. But if you stand up for yourself in a respectful manner, without hurting anyone, why would anyone object?
5. Practice, Practice, Practice!
They say practice makes perfect, and this is especially true for assertiveness. So make you do this! Practice saying ‘no’ to people, imagine arguing with them gently, calmly and politely to make your point. Learn to communicate actively, non-aggressively, and express yourself in a clear and direct manner.
Keep practicing this over and over: it will pay dividends … and when you need to use it in real life situations, treat that as the best practice of all!
Conclusion
Of course there are many more things you can do, but we hope that the tips we’ve given here will take you a long way to getting things right. Learning to be more assertive is a great way to improve your life: not just in personal relationships and success at work, but also in personal happiness and control of your life.
Good luck in putting it into action!
